Being Resilient

What is resilience?

Resilience is the term given to a person's ability to cope with a challenging event or situation and is an important protection against problems such as:

  • depression
  • anxiety
  • drug and alcohol use
  • problematic eating behaviours
  • poor achievement
  • increased risk-taking behaviour
  • other mental problems
  • criminal involvement

Young people and resilience

Many young people face adversity and change, and it is important that they are able to cope with life's challenges effectively. By being resilient, young people can grow and develop new skills as a result of dealing with these challenges. Young people may face difficulties such as:

  • moving away from family and friends
  • transitioning from primary to secondary school to university
  • increased responsibilities as they get older
  • parental divorce
  • loss of family member/close contact
  • major physical illness
  • relationship breakup

Examples of young people demonstrating resilience

At Kids Helpline, we hear many inspiring stories from young people about how they find ways to cope with adversity in their lives. They often tell us about skills and strategies they have developed to respond to challenging situations, and how they have overcome adversity and taken care of themselves. Below are some examples of these stories, based on our contact with these young people

  • Sarah*, 23 years, says she manages the times when she feels down. She finds it most helpful to talk to someone like her flat mate or best friend. On the occasions when they aren't around she has some other things she can do such as writing in her journal or watching her favourite music DVD. This reminds her of the hopeful things in life.
  • Seventeen year-old Jessica* finds that her experience of depression has helped her gain more self awareness and understanding for others. She has been dealing with depression for about three years now; however, things are improving since she got help with this. She has learnt a lot about herself and changed some of her thinking and lifestyle and this has helped.
  • Matt*, 12 years, was being bullied by kids at school. Some of this was via text messages and MySpace. Matt talked to a counsellor to get help. He said he has used some of the practical things he can do to manage the cyber bullying. He has also used some ideas about self talk and body awareness to stay strong inside and believe in himself. He says the bullies don't pick on him as much now.
  • Karri*, 13 years, found ways to cope with her arguing in her family. Karri had a special place she would go to remove herself from the fighting. Karri was on a farm and her special place was outside and a short walk from the house near a grove of shady trees. Here she would read books and hang out with the dog or simply gaze out over the paddocks. This place brought her much peace and comfort.
  • Leena*, 16 years, manages difficult emotions by journaling and sometimes she feels calmer when she expresses her feelings through art.
  • Balan*, 21 years, witnessed some very tough things through the bushfires. The fact he helped as a volunteer gave him a sense of being able to help out and a strong support network. Balan says he has really grown through this and now he wants a career as a paramedic.
*Names changed for privacy reasons

What resilience is not

Resilience is not about keeping quiet and putting up with a potentially harmful situation. When encouraging resilience in young people, it is important to avoid sending the message that it is about being the ‘strong, silent type’ who avoids asking for help or communicating their needs or feelings. Resilience needs to be developed with care so as not to push unrealistic expectations onto young people. Rather than growing as a person and developing new skills, such messages have the potential to increase the risk of psychological problems in young people.

What puts young people at risk of not developing resilience?

Typically, the types of things that put a young person at risk of not developing resilience have also been linked to factors that contribute to various psychological disorders, including:

  • Community factors - poverty, instability of accommodation
  • School factors - low achievement, poor attendance and low connectedness to school community
  • Family factors - low connectedness to family, family violence, family dysfunction, physical/sexual abuse
  • Peer factors - few friends, association with delinquent/high risk young people
  • Individual factors - difficult temperament, risky behaviour, drug/alcohol use, criminal involvement, psychological problems, absence of goals

What is resilience in a young person?

being resilientYoung people who are resilient tend to be more hopeful, confident and possess higher self-worth when times get tough. They are more able to overcome challenges and recognise when they need support, and who best can help them. As a result, resilient young people tend not to develop psychological problems resulting from the challenges they encounter. Rather, these coping strategies foster self-growth and allow them to handle difficulties more easily in the future.

Some things that make young people resilient include:

  • viewing hardships as an obstacle to overcome rather than something to be defeated by
  • setting goals to work towards in order to solve problems
  • persevering in overcoming difficulties rather than avoiding problems
  • effective interpersonal and communication abilities to seek assistance from others
  • having realistic expectations
  • understanding their strengths and weaknesses
  • learning from their mistakes

How can you help develop resilience in young people?

As a parent/carer, teacher or other significant adult in the life of a young person, it is important to encourage and be aware of the advantages of resilience. You can help promote resilience in young people through your words and actions and, by providing a safe, supportive and nurturing environment. As a young person gets older, you can further help develop resilience by encouraging increasingly higher levels of independence and autonomy.

The key skills that young people need to be resilient are:

  • self-esteem
  • social skills
  • self control
  • problem-solving skills
  • realistic expectations
  • optimistic thinking patterns

The following are some strategies to help enhance these key skills.

Show young people how to manage difficulties

You can help foster resilience in young people by encouraging simple behaviours that assist in managing stress, including:

  • ensuring that they are getting enough sleep (about 9-10 hours per night)
  • encouraging them to engage in regular physical activity (whatever they enjoy most)
  • encouraging them to spend time outdoors to help clear their mind (going for walks, etc)
  • ensuring they are able to ask for help if they need it.

Improve the self-worth of young people

Young people need to be taught how to look after themselves and generate their own sense of self-worth. Effective strategies include:

  • encouraging them to spend time with people who like them and make them feel good about themselves
  • protecting them from people who threaten their sense of self-worth
  • teaching them how to look after their physical needs (hygiene and nutrition, etc)
  • making sure they are able to recognise and appreciate when they have performed well
  • teaching them the importance of following their own conscience so that they view themselves as good people
  • helping them to set realistic and achievable goals so that they are not setting themselves up for failure in the future
  • helping them feel more secure by showing them that they are wanted
  • making sure they are involved in their school, work or community so that they feel that there is a place for them

Improve social skills and building optimism

Helping young people to develop their social skills and build optimism will improve their ability to connect with others and to ask for assistance when they need it. This can be done by:

  • asking for their opinion so they get good practice at communicating their views
  • encouraging them to develop friendships with others to improve their social skills
  • teaching them how to handle disagreements and interpersonal difficulties effectively
  • helping them make sense of their own feelings to avoid jumping to negative conclusions
  • teaching them to handle negative thoughts by showing them how to challenge unhelpful thinking patterns and replace them with more positive ones.

Improve problem solving skills and self control

You can encourage young people to develop their problem solving skills and sense of self control by:

  • setting and adhering to reasonable boundaries and expectations so young people learn that they need to solve challenges within the boundaries that are set for them
  • providing opportunities for young people to challenge themselves and improve on their current skills
  • increasing a young person's level of independence and autonomy appropriate to their age and level of development to give them practice in making decisions for themselves

Being a role model for young people

One of the best ways to promote resilience in young people is to become more resilient yourself. Ensure that you develop your own ability to tackle challenges and negative thoughts and work on developing good communication skills. By being a good role model, you can show young people how to be resilient. Try to pay attention to them, be alert to any difficulties they may be experiencing, and spend time with them so they have the opportunity to discuss any problems.

Fostering resilience in the school/work environment

Young people spend significant time with their family, at school and in the workplace. Therefore it is in these contexts that the most important contributions to building resilience in young people can be made.

In addition to using the tips mentioned above, you can assist young people to develop resilience by ensuring that your school or workplace is free from harassment, bullying and intimidation, and that appropriate procedures are in place to deal with these situations if they arise.

You can also help promote resilience in the work/school environment by:

  • setting appropriate levels of assignments/work for young people
  • providing them with challenges that allow them to use and develop their problem-solving skills and give them an important sense of achievement
  • providing them with a sense of belonging and opportunities for communication and cooperation by encouraging individual participation in a larger group context

Who can I contact for more information?

If you have any concerns about your child and their ability to cope with difficulties, you can call Parentline on the phone numbers below.

Parentline Queensland and Northern Territory - 1300 30 1300

Parentline Victoria - 13 22 89

Parent Helpline South Australia - 1300 364 100

Parent Line New South Wales - 13 20 55

Parent Help Centre Western Australia - (08) 92721466 or 1800 654 432

ParentLink ACT - (02) 6205 8800

Resources that may be of use